


Tony Is Bored

by DarkFoxKirin



Series: The Avengers Get a Chatting Site [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Age of Extinction, Angst and Humor, Animals, BL, Cat, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crossover, Dinosaurs, Evil Fury, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, FrostIron - Freeform, Funny, Hacking, Humor, M/M, Ph - Freeform, Robots, Shapeshifting, Texting, The Avengers - Freeform, The Lion King - Freeform, ThunderHulk, Transformers - Freeform, X-men - Freeform, animatronic dinosaurs, lion, mechanical dinosaurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 14:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkFoxKirin/pseuds/DarkFoxKirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Tony got so bored that he made a chatting site for the Avengers. These are short chapters of diffrent happenings!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tony's bored out of his MIND. He's half tempted to dis and reassemble DUM-E just to have something to do. He looks at DUM-E thoughtfully while shifting the glass of scotch from hand to hand. As if DUM-E sences this, he whirs in fright and hides behind his charging table. "Great. That plan is out." 

JARVIS thinks this is an opporntune time to say, "Sir, may I suggest making something to entertain you instead of destroying something?" There is a pause. "...Again?"

"JARVIS, I love you."

"I try." JARVIS drolls back.

"No seriously, if you were human, and not an AI made out of various circuits, wires, and a large amount of my genious, I would kiss you." Tony finishes the glass and stands up from his place on the floor next to one of the tables in the workshop. "In fact,-"

"Sir," JARVIS interupts quickly, "If I would suggest you start, unless you would like to attend that meeting at 4:00?" 

Tony stops and goes to sit down at one of his computers. "Right. On it."

 

~ ~ ~

 

It's been a couple of months after the invation in New York. Loki went to Asgard to answer to his crimes and eventually he got them to let him talk. It worked just as he had hoped. Loki remembers that day clearly as he walks to the tower to meet Thor. That was one of the agreements of letting him go. Thor was to be his patrol officer as it were. The other requierment to being let out was to swear an oath not to kill anyone or to start another war. He was on his way now to live in the tower. (They wouldn't let him get his own apartment and Thor insisted to let Loki stay with him in the tower. And Odin let him do it, that one eyed baffoon.) The clouds rumbled as if Odin had heard him. Loki picked up the pase. 

No one knew that he was coming, so it was that much more enjoyable to see all of the Avengers jump up from what the were previously doing as he entered the common room with Thor. But there is one thing wrong. One of them is missing. Where is Stark? He is the only one who interests him. Except for agent Romanov of course. 

Thor walks further into the room, dragging Loki with him as he went. "My friends! My father has allowed Loki to stay with us! Is that not fine news?" He looks around the room in joyous confusion, upon seeing everyone's cold faces. "What is the matter? Loki has payed for his crimes, and he has sworn not to harm any of you people. We should be celebrating!"

Clint doesn't move the arrow away from Loki's eye as he bites out, "Uh, no. You can spent as much time with him as you want, but don't bring him here. Have you forgotten what he's done? He destroyed half of New York!" 

Loki has had enough of this. "Escuse me, but that was the Chitouri, not me. All I did was stab one of your agents, attacked most of your little group here, and blasted a few buildings. Whats so wrong with that? People in Asgard have done much worse to other places." And with that he turns and walks calmly to one of the elevators. As the elevator doors are closing, Loki says smoothly, "And I am not staying in the same room as you Thor." 

When the elevator shuts out Loki's smug face, everyone starts yelling at Thor for answers. This only makes him more confused.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Tony is just finishing up his new project when he hears a smooth voice behind him. "Ah, there you are. I was beginning to think that there was no one of a higher intellegence than of a hampster here." 

Tony whirls around to face Loki. "You know, I would have thought that you were still in jail on Asgard." He says casually.

Loki chuckles a bit evily. "You know as well as I do that if they let me talk then I would be out in a matter of months." He looks around. "Here I am." 

"Fair enough. But let me get this straight, you wont kill anyone while you're here, right?" 

"No, I'm on probation."

"Great! Come here for a sec." 

Loki looks like he's shocked for a moment, but snaps out of it and walks over to Tony. "Please don't tell me you want to experiment on me." He says sarcasticly.

"Experiment on you? Today? No, thats for Thursday." Loki looks a bit worried for a second. "Anyway, I made this chat site for us Avengers for when we get bored. You are going to test it with me. And then I'll invite everyone else. Sound good?" 

Loki thinks about it for a moment and then shrugs. "Why not?" 

Tony's smile it a mile wide. "Exccellent."

 

~ ~ ~

 

[Tony has entered]

[Loki has entered]

Tony: Pretty good eh? :3

Loki: What is the point of this?

Tony: It's supposed to be for people who are bored or forever alone to chat online. Which we are not the latter. 

Tony: Steve is though. >:3

Loki: True. >:D

[Steve has entered]

Steve: Really Tony? Really?

Tony: What? It's not my falt that I get bored and create awesome things.

Steve: More like stupid, useless things. =.=

Tony: He didn't mean that baby. No, no, no....

Steve: (Facepalm)

[Clint has entered]

Clint: What is HE doing here?

Tony: He's helping me test it. Like you are doing right now.

Clint: Yeah, no.

[Clint has left]

Tony: Spoil sport!

Steve: Tony, he's gone. No need to shout.

[Natasha has entered] 

Natasha: Okay, what did you do now Tony?

Tony: How is it always my falt?!

Steve: Because it is.

Natasha: Because it is.

[Bruce has entered]

[Coulson has entered]

[Fury has entered]

Bruce: Because it is.

Coulson: Because it is.

Fury: Shut up Stark, you're the father of every problem.

Tony: (Gasp!) Thats it! Everyone out! And you two! You weren't invited!

[Tony has kicked Steve, Bruce, Coulson, Fury and Natasha out.]

Loki: Such power... how?

Tony: Technology baby, technology.

[Tony has left]

Loki: ...I must have it. And it's weilder.

[Loki has left]


	2. Chapter 2 (RANDOM IDEA) Wtf?

The Avengers (plus Loki) were spending a day off at the beach when they met an unexpected visitor.

“Well isn’t it Doctor Bruce Banner.” said a rusky unknown voice.

Everyone looked up at the orange mineral like man, and almost jumped out of their skin, the only person who reacted was Pepper, because she screamed at the top of her lungs.

“Lady Please calm down.” said the same man with the uneven voice.

Bruce turned around, “Benjamin Grimm,” Bruce made a half smile, half frown, “long time no see.”

“Yes it has been a long time, you gained a couple pounds, no?”

Natasha face palmed,” Oh shit, it’s about to go down.”

Bruce laughed,” Oh please Ben, you’re talking about me and you’re a 600 pound fossil.”

“Touché, but I didn’t come over here to talk smack, a long time ago we had a conversation that we never finished,” Ben cracked and popped his knuckles, “want to continue?”

“Ben I’m just trying to chillax with my friends and have a good time on my day off, don’t act like an ass.”

“Awh, who knew the Incredible Hulk, would go soft.”

Bruce suddenly smirked, and he balled his fists that he had firmly placed at his sides.

Tony stood and got in front of Bruce blocking the view of Ben, “Hey Bruce, calm down buddy.”

The smooth skin that covered Bruce’s body started to tint the color of green.

“Um Tony that isn’t working.” Thor said blankly.

“Oh really?” Tony said with sarcasm in his voice.

Bruce’s clothes started to stretch and rip and the smart mouth ‘Ben’ was smiling, enjoying the show.

“Plan B!” Tony yelled at Steve knowing what to do, Steve went in Tony’s backpack and pull out a needle that was wrapped in a plastic bag and stuck the needle in a tiny vile full of blue liquid and tossed it to Tony.

“Sorry buddy.” Tony whispered to Bruce, Tony shook the needle a bit and stuck it in Bruce’s shoulder injecting him with the mystery medicine.

“OWWW TONY THAT HURT HUL-” Bruce roared in his Hulk voice, before his eyes dilated and he collapsed face first in the sand his leg twitching every couple seconds.

Loki pointed at him and laughed loudly, “HAHAHAHAHA!”

Thor lightly hit Loki on the neck, accidentally triggering Loki’s pressure point making Loki fall face first in the sand next to Bruce, his ass in the air and drooling instantly.

Thor covered his mouth as if he just cursed in front of his mother, “Oh my Allfather, I swear to gods I didn’t mean to hit him that hard!”

Ben was rolling on the sand roaring with laughter, looking to Bruce, and to Loki.

Pepper coughed awkwardly.

“Soooo.” Natasha said breaking the silence.

“Hey guys! Can I join the party?” Everyone looked up at the last person they thought they would see standing before them.

Pepper looked the man up and down and blushed turning away. Standing there was Nick Fury in a tiny tight white speedo, with a huge bulge standing out, making everyone blush.

“Oh fuck no, TONY OUT!” Tony grabbed his drink and ran towards the limo.

“Don’t leave me!” Steve yelled running after Tony.

Thor picked up Loki and carried him bridal style towards the limo, tripping on a sand hill and dropping Loki on his stomach.

Ben choked and backed away slowly, “Oh shit.”

Clint struggled to get free from being buried in the sand and failed, “Tasha, I can’t get out, HELP MEEEE!”

Natasha kissed Clint’s head and ran, “Sorry Clint!”

Pepper followed Natasha blocking her eyes from Nick’s view, when she passed him.

Nick stared at them loading into the car, “Did I miss something!” He shouted towards them.

Clint whined and Bruce’s leg continued to twitch.

Clint looked up at Nick, “Please help me.”

Nick ignored him and watched as the limo full of frightened Avengers rode off without their beloved Hawkeye and Hulk.

Tony looked out the back of the limo window watching the beach get out of view, “That was the nastiest thing I ever saw, it was like hanging out and shi-“

Steve put a hand over Tony’s mouth, “Don’t talk about it!”

Pepper threw up in a bag while Thor patted her back; Loki was thrown on the floor. And Natasha was rubbing her temples, “Please don’t talk about it.” Tasha said in a disgusted voice.

“Take us home Stan.” Tony said to the older man with greying hair and reading glasses, who was driving.

“Home it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but this just popped in my head and I head to write it down before I forgot.


	3. Birthdays are great! ...Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a birthday party. It's just not what he expected.

The team had been talking and sneaking around behind his back for the last week. They were even banning him temporarily from their little chatting site. He wasn't sure if he should be feeling hurt or suspicious, his birthday was coming up after all. But that didn't mean they knew, how could they? The only person who knew was Pepper, and he only told her because she threatened to tell Coulson that he hated him. 

He was still thinking about this when he opened the door after he was finished shopping that afternoon. Between him, Thor, Loki, and Bruce after a 'Hulk-out' they would have been eating a normal person out of house and home. But Tony was a billionaire as he continued to tell everyone. The place smelled funny. Kind of like sulfur and apples. But whatever.

It was after he had finished putting away the groceries that it happened.

His phone rang.

And not just any ring, it was the ring tone for when someone was calling him to the chat site. Okay, now he was suspicious.

Steve dug into his pocket and signed into his account.

 

~~~

 

[Steve has entered]

Steve: Hello?

Tony: Steve!

Bruce: Hi, Steve.

Natasha: Hello.

Clint: Stevie B's!

Coulson: Hello Steve.

Thor: Shield brother!

Loki: Would you all shut up and get on with it? I am trying to brew a potion and me being on here isn't helping the solution not exploding!

Steve: ...

Tony: Aww, now look what you did, you made him mute!

Loki: Hmm... I had not thought that that would be reaction to the fumes...

Steve: I am not mute! But wait... was that what I had smelled when I had walked in? 

Loki: Well, I had _told_ everyone to avoid that part of the house...

Steve: Yeah well, you forgot to call hand tell me! I was out getting groceries!

Loki: oops?

Steve: If I wake up with my hair red, white and blue, I will break you.

Loki: (Scoffs) You couldn't even if you tried! And you did.

Bruce: The Other Guy can.

Loki: ...

[Loki has left]

Tony: Coward! 

Steve: Tony, what did I say about yelling? I can hear you from all the way over here.

Tony: Dude... I'm on the 8th floor.

Clint: Must be his goody-two-shoes senses tingling. 

Tony: Lol! Nice one! High-five!

Steve: I heard that too.

Tony: ...

Clint: ...

Steve: Now will someone please tell me what in the world is going on?

Thor: "Where in the world, is Carmon Sandiago!?" 

Clint: Why?...

Thor: I have not been able to banish it from my mind! It is confusing...

Tony: That's a catchy jingle for ya babe.

Steve: Hello?

Tony: Right, right, right. Would you please head up to the 'Family room'? We'll be waiting.

Steve: It took all that to tell me to come up to the 8th floor?

Natasha: Apparently.

Coulson: We'll see you there.

[Coulson has left]

[Natasha has left]

Steve: And also, why were all of you on here? It would only take one of you to tell me. For Pete's sake, you could have just texted me!

Tony: Steve... Do you even know how to do anything on your phone except for answering it and coming on here?

Steve: ...The only reason I know that much is because you wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't!

Tony: Right. See ya later!

[Tony has left]

Steve: Some days...

Bruce: I know man, I know.

[Bruce has left]

Clint: Don't be late!

[Clint has left]

Steve: (sigh) 

[Steve has left]

 

~~~

 

Steve couldn't see a thing.

"Hello?" He slowly crept into the dark room.

Before he could step two feet from the door, the lights flared to life and everybody jumped out and shouted "Surprise!"

Steve yelled and fell over backwards.

After a moment of trying to get his heart to slow down, Steve finally got the breath to say, "What the heck?!"

Tony shook his head sadly. "Hell Steve, not heck, hell."

Steve shot a look at him that plainly said that he wouldn't wake up in the morning.

Natasha walked over. "It's a surprise birthday party. Tony insisted."

Steve looked a little betrayed. "I told Pepper not to tell anyone!"

Tony chuckled evilly. "She didn't. Sort of. I just got her drunk enough to get her to tell me."

Clint leaned over to stage whisper to Thor. "I'm really glad that Tony's on our team..."

Thor laughed. "Yes! The Man of Iron is much like my brother!"

Loki hummed from his position on the couch. He was splayed over it like a cat. "Indeed." He cast a thoughtful glance at Tony who was looking at him in turn.

Tony shook himself as if trying to rid some thoughts from his mind and clapped his hands together. "Alright! Time for presents!" When Steve didn't walk over to the table that had a pile of gifts on it, Tony sighed in exasperation. "Come on! They're not going to unwrap themselves! Well, maybe mine can, but I told it not to!"

Steve looked worried.

Clint ran forward and thrust a package in front of Steve's face. "Ooh! Mine first! Mine first!" 

Steve sighed and took the package from the archer. It was blue with white spots. He gingerly unwrapped it and opened the box. And stood there for a moment before he pulled out what ever was in the box and held it up. "Clint... Whats this?"

"It's silly puddy! Ow!" Natasha had smacked him upside the head. 

Natasha glared. "I told you not to get that!" 

"I didn't! I gave it to Steve!" Clint whined as he rubbed the back of his head.

As this was going on, Coulson stepped up and wordlessly handed him his present. This one was wrapped up in plain white. Steve unwrapped it and tried to smile politely. "Why are you giving me one of your Captain America cards?" 

Coulson blushed. "I was wondering if you would sign it... I was called in last minute. I can get you something else later." He had never seen the man so embarrassed.

Steve shook his head. "It's okay." And pulled a pen from his pocket and signed it then gave it back. 

Coulson nodded. "Thanks." He looked as if he was going to start jumping up and down. But he didn't. 

Natasha handed her's to Steve next. It was red with purple stripes. When he unwrapped it he saw a manual on how to use a Starkphone. 

She cracked a smile. "I heard that you wanted one." 

Steve laughed. "You heard correctly."

After Bruce hand handed his over, (It was a box of tea wrapped in plain dark green paper.) Tony walked up and handed Steve a big box. It was a lighter green than Bruce's and had tiny iron men all over it. Go figure. "This is from me and Loki." All of a sudden, he got a sense of foreboding. 

Steve held the box away from himself. "Do I even want to know?" 

Loki interrupted what ever Tony was about to say. "Yes, now open it." He swore he heard the two giggling to each other. He was going to regret this, he knew it.

He slowly unwrapped the large box and slowly took the top off. He couldn't see anything with all of the wax paper in the way. Then, something brown and furry jumped out from the box and knocked him over. 

Steve was shocked. "You two got me a puppy!?" They couldn't handle a puppy! He already had to look after Tony and Clint! 

But he didn't have to worry about any of that. Because then the puppy _exploded_. literally. Bits of fur and other things he couldn't quite make out flew everywhere. Everyone just stood there with their mouths open. No one had expected that. Well, all except for the two puppy murderers howling and rolling all over each other on the couch. 

Steve just stared. "What. Did you. Just. _DO_?!" He tried not to cry. That was an Innocent puppy! Did Loki brainwash Tony? Were they going to kill more helpless creatures?!

It took Tony a while to stop laughing. "Um, Cap. Look at the 'remains'." While he didn't want to, curiosity nagged at him until he did. And heaved a sigh of relief. In place of blood and guts, where screws and blown bits of metal that clung to the pieces of fur. It was a _robot_. That's why they were laughing. But he still didn't know what Loki had to do with any of this. 

Steve looked up at the other culprit who had finally stopped laughing, but didn't get up from his position on top of Tony's stomach. And Tony didn't look like he was going to move him either."And what did Loki have to do with this? The idea?"

Tony smiled at Loki. "No, we thought it up together. I just made the robot while Loki wanted to try out one of his new potions. So, we made Little Bada Boom." He saw the others mouthing the name Tony had given the robot. 

Steve got up and dusted himself off. "Well, now that that's over, I'm going to kill the both of you now." Then he lunged at them. Both of their eyes widened. Loki vanished while Tony ran like a mad man, screaming bloody murder. 

 

~~~

 

(A few hours later)

 

[Loki has entered]

[Tony has entered]

Loki: Stark?

Tony: I'm here.

Loki: Are you all right? Did he catch you? 

Tony: Na. I had thought that this would happen, so, I had my bracelets on. You know, the ones I used on you?

Loki: Ah yes. Where are you now?

Tony: I'm hiding under the pool table. I didn't know that there was so much space under here... where are you?

Loki: I am between dementions.

Tony: ...Then how are you getting internet connection?

Loki: Magic, remember?

Tony: Oh. Well, I've been down here for hours and my back hurts. I'm coming out. 

Loki: Are you sure that is wise? He could be close by.

Tony: I'll be fine. I'm sure he's nfjreihtwogef4mgh oqtc4nu2oxge3nzyw!Fntb ivnresn8ct74738wtc7n38tn8tb6fcfj!!

Loki: Tony? Tony?!

Loki: Stark, are you there? Answer me!

Tony: He's a little tied up right now. But don't worry. You're next.

[Tony has left]

Loki: ...

[Loki has left]


	4. Chapter 4

Loki looked around after he had teleported into the kitchen cabinet (don't ask). He irritably brushed a pan off of his head. Now, to see if Stark was still alive. 

After that fateful IM chat, he hadn't heard from Tony in three whole days. (Cause Tony had always texted him for something or the other.) Something was horribly wrong. If that goody-two-shoe capsicle had hurt him- 

Just then, Tony comes screaming down the hall. "LOKI, RUN!!! SAVE YOURSELF!!!" There are pieces of duct tape hanging off of him with that strange little robot he calls DUM-E following him with a pair of scissors. He _does_ love his big entrances...

Loki whips around. "No! I will not leave you behind! We'll get out of this together!" He goes as if to grab Tony but he is still running that (albeit distracting) mouth of his.

"You don't understand! Steve contacted Strange-" 

"Activate the 'Anti-Magic Barrier Zone' now!" Says a voice from behind them. 

"Wha-!?" Loki never finished as his blood ran cold. Already, his magic was seeping from him.

_**WHAM!!!** _

Something had slammed into him from behind and pinned him to the floor.

It was Steve.

Without his magic, the soldier just might be able to capture him. That must not happen.

Loki writhed on the floor. He felt the Captain shift his weight -there!- and Loki threw him off. Steve landed on his feet and lunged back at Loki, who was now in a fighting stance. Oh, it's on now. He wasn't completely helpless without his magic.

 

///

 

Whilst the two were fighting Tony had crept to the device that was responsible for Loki's predicament. He was just about to reach for the control box when a hand fell down onto his shoulder. 

Strange had walked from behind the machine. (Seriously, Tony could make it so much better and pocket sized.) "Now why don't you be a good little hostage and go back to your room, hm?" 

"No thanks, I've got a date. DUM-E!" 

Strange looks mildly offended. "No need to start calling names."

Tony laughed. "Yeah, I wasn't. Well, at least not yours..." 

Strange only starts to look confused.

**CLANK!**

He crumples to the floor with at thud.

DUM-E had crept up behind the sorcerer while they talking and whacked him unconscious in the back of his head with the pan Loki had on his head earlier.

Tony stepped over Strange and started to disable the machine. It was almost laughably easy. Some scientist Strange is. 

Tony finishes up. You know, he might just keep some of this tech. "Aaaand, that should be that. Loki, you're wings have been freed!" And then DUM-E starts to smash the machine with the pan.

"DUM-E! You stupid bag of bolts! I should have given you to a college long ago!" DUM-E doesn't pay Tony any heed as he keeps on smashing the mildly interesting machinery gleefully. 

Tony sighs.

 

///

 

"Aaaand, that should be that. Loki, your wings have been freed!" Loki rolls his eyes at hearing this but is immensely relieved at already feeling the effects of the machine evaporating. 

Loki smirks.

Steve doesn't stand a chance. And he knows it. All he says is, "Damn-" before he is turned into a red, white, and blue puppy.

"Woof! Woof, woof!" The puppy-that-is-now-Steve barks, outraged. 

Tony and Loki fall over laughing. That'll teach him not to mess with them. Oh, sweet, sweet revenge.

Steve then chooses to trot over and pee on both of their faces. 

"AARRRGH!!!" They both scream. Loki kicks Steve over the kitchen counter and into the living room.

"Gross, my mouth was open!" Tony spits. He tries to wipe off his mouth with a dish towel and a bar of soap.

"As was mine..." Loki only had to use some magic and the horrible taste was gone. He did the same for Tony. 

Tony sighs gratefully. "Thanks, I hate that taste."

Loki shoots a look at him. "You've tasted dog piss before? When?!"

Tony shuffles his feet. "Well... There was this party and I got drunk (obviously) and the owner of the party had these dogs (he was drunk too) and he made up this contest that whoever drank the most dog piss without throwing up won a hundred grand."

Loki looks immensely grossed out. Well, it wasn't as if he hadn't had to do something similar with Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three. "And, you won this low-hygienic game, I assume?"

Tony actually looks proud now. "Of course." 

Loki shakes his head.

 

///

 

[Tony enters the chat room]

[Loki enters the chat room]

Loki: Tell me again why exactly you want to talk on here when you are just outside the door? 

Tony: Well, for one, you take extremely long baths, and two, you wont let me take one with you!

Loki: Baths are soothing and you can't come in because we both know how horny you are. We've already gone 8 rounds!

Tony: Hey! I'm not that bad!

Loki: =_=

Tony: ...

Tony: Ok, fine... I am that bad. But I'll behave!

Loki: Promise? I'm still a bit sore even though I heal faster than mortals. 

Tony: Pinky promise!

Loki: ???

Tony: Oh, nevermind. 

Loki: I take it that was another one of your 'pop culture' references?

Tony: Yes, exactly.

Loki: But before we say anything else, what exactly happened when you were captured?

Tony: Well, after I was rudely interrupted from our conversation, Steve had grabbed my ankle and dragged me out of the pool table. And then he proceeded to wrap me up in duct tape. (He knows that I can get myself out of any knot. I've had lots of 'practice'.) And then he calls Strange over and tells him that he still needs to get you, and since that Strange was a sorcerer too, he might know how to get past your 'defenses'. Strange agreed because he doesn't like there being a better mage than him around. (Jealous bastard) And he had suggested a machine that would dampen your magic. They agreed to make it after they got it in their thick sculls that I wouldn't help them. Even if it meant my freedom. So, it took a full 3 days to make it and ironically, you showed up about an hour after they finished.

Loki: Well, I knew that they were doing something, but Strange kept me from seeing exactly what. I could have broken through in about a few hours, but that needed all of my attention. I was too busy making sure that all of your so called 'comrades' were away, and the Captain was not in the same room as you were. Hence, the kitchen cabinet. 

Tony: Oh, well, can I come in now?

Loki: (Sigh) If you must.

Tony: ...

Loki: What is it?

Tony: I didn't know you were that sexy when wet...

Loki: Stark... Stop. Remember what I had just finished telling you-

Loki: STARK!

Loki: BGign6n8cft5 nNTIY8f7nf68565f6n7!f/fp/.jp,,

Tony: BYNgf7f9rmnegwfnmeg7f7yug9u66l;3/.nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Loki: j483f43hfhfhhhhhdbhedwsnm ccc.';['olhj

Tony: md18iwbdifemnf,ij/'lpj.c vmreonf,reu122j3333333333333333333333333333333jjj

[This site has been shut down temporarily because of spam issued. Please wait until further notice.]

 

///

 

[Tony has entered the chat room]

[Loki has entered the chat room]

Tony: Sorry?

Tony: Oh come on! You're really hot! It was just so hard to keep my hands off of you!

Loki: ...

Tony: ...

Tony: Babe?

Loki: What!?

Tony: I'm really sorry.

Loki: (sigh) I know. You're just a stupid mortal with a high sex drive.

Tony: Hey! 

Loki: Am I wrong?

Tony: ...No.

Loki: Good boy.

Tony: ...Honey?

Loki: What is it now? 

Tony: Can I come to bed now?

Loki: No. That would be too kind. Naughty little boys need discipline. Stay on the couch.

Tony: But babe!

Loki: I. Said. No.

Tony: ...It's cold out here.

Loki: Then tell your disembodied servant to warm up the room for you.

Tony: ...Damn. That had always worked with Pepper.

Loki: Oh, NOW you want to talk about HER!?

Tony: NO! No, no no, wait!

[Steve has entered the chat room]

Steve: Woof! 

Tony: ...Steve?

Steve: Woof, woof!

Loki: How can he do that without any thumbs?

Tony: I have no idea...

Loki: This conversation is NOT over.

Tony: Really? Cause, I thought that this was an argument so...

[Loki has left the chat room]

Tony: Well, shit. Brilliant Tony, just fucking fantastic. At this rate, I'll never get laid again!

[Tony has left the chat room]

[Dr. Strange has entered the chat room]

Dr. Strange: Even though I'm not too pleased at Mr. Stark at the moment, this is rather impressive.

Steve: That's Tony for ya.

Dr. Strange: Indeed.

Steve: Thanks again for changing me back.

Dr. Strange: Any time.

[Dr. Strange has left the chat room]

[Steve has left the chat room]


	5. A Splash of Mischief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was watching 'My Little Mermaid' when I got this idea and I just couldn't shake it, so here it is!

Tony is royally screwed. Though it's because he cant be royally screwed that he is in the first place.

After that bathtub incident a few weeks ago, Loki proceeded to tease him then just walk away and make Tony sleep on the couch. So, Tony devised a plan to get Loki to forgive him. Ironically, it was after they had watched 'The Little Mermaid' and after a certain scene in the movie, Loki had started yelling at Ursala for ruining the moment. He was going to get the rest of the team to sing 'Kiss the girl' to Loki.

Of course they were going to change a few lyrics but for the most part, it was ready to go.

 

///

 

 _Mortals!_ Loki thought crossly as he got up from the kitchen table to refill his cup of tea. This wasn't fun for him either. Okay maybe a little. It was so fun to watch Tony squirm. But he wasn't enjoying the 'no sex' part. It wasn't just the bathtub incident, but the fact that Tony hadn't gotten him anything for Valentine's Day. It was the day of the bathtub incident and he was rather irritable when he got into the tub and Tony hadn't said a single thing about it. So, hes punishing him until he gets it.

He had just sat back down again when his phone rang. It was the tune for when someone was calling for him to join the chat site. Loki sighed. This better be good. 

 

///

 

[Loki has entered]

[Natasha has entered]

[Bruce has entered]

[Clint has entered]

[Coulson has entered]

[Thor has entered]

Loki: What do you all want?

Natasha: Loki, it is imperative that you come up to the living room on the thirteenth floor. 

Clint: We are all sick and tired of seeing you and Tony mope around the tower.

Loki: Why should I? Tony was in the wrong and I will not forgive him until he rights his wrongs.

Bruce: And what exactly did he do?

Loki: That is absolutely none of your business. 

Clint: Whatever, just come down here alright?

Loki: ...Fine. Better not waste my time though.

[Loki has left]

[Tony has entered]

Tony: So, is he coming?

Coulson: Affirmative. He should get here... now.

Tony: Shit! He teleported! He must be in a bad mood... Again.

[Tony has left]

[Natasha has left]

Clint: This better work. They are totally killing the mood.

Coulson: There is no 'mood'.

Clint: (Sniff) And I thought we had something.

Coulson: (Sigh) What am I going to do with you?

Clint: Well, I have a few ideas... 

[Coulson has left]

Clint: Now that's just cold.

[Clint has left]

Bruce: Ah. Now I know why Loki wanted to control us.

Thor: Sadly... I do not disagree.

[Thor has left]

[Bruce has left]

 

///

 

Loki arrived with a green flash of light. "Alright I'm here. What is it?" 

Everyone entered the room with music equipment and started to set it up.

Loki looked around in confusion. "What is this? I am not participating if you are all going to humiliate yourselves." He was about to leave when Tony walked in. 

"Babe, I know that I have angered you and I'm sorry. So, please let me make it up to you with a song that might go as it should have in the movie." He pointed to the others. Clint bent down and inserted a disc into a CD player. 

_'DON'T THIS SHIT MAKE A NIGGA WANNA- JUMP! JUMP! DON'T THIS SHIT MAKE A NIGGA WANNA-'_ Clint slammed his hand down on the CD player and giggled nervously. "Oops... Wrong CD." He then carefully looked at another disc and put that one in.

 

///

 

Persuasion  
Stings  
Whining  
Words

There you see him  
Sitting there across the way  
He don’t got a lot to say  
But there’s something about him  
And you don’t know why  
But you’re dying to try  
You wanna kiss that guy

Yes, you want him  
Look at him, you know you do  
It’s without a doubt that he wants you, too  
There is one way to let him  
It don’t take a word  
Not a single word  
Go on and kiss that guy

Sing with me now  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
My, oh, my  
Look at the boy too stubborn  
He ain’t gonna kiss that guy  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Ain’t that sad  
Ain’t it shame, too bad  
You are so missing that guy

Now’s your moment  
Sitting on a blue couch in the living room  
Boy, you better do it soon  
No time will be better  
He don’t say a word  
And he won’t say a word  
Until you kiss that guy

Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Don’t be so stubborn  
You got the mood prepared  
Go on and kiss that guy  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Don’t stop now  
Don’t try to hide it how  
You wanna kiss that guy  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Sing along or  
Listen to the song but  
The song say kiss that guy  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Music play  
Do what the music say  
You wanna kiss that guy

You’ve got to kiss that guy   
Why don’t you kiss that guy  
You gotta kiss that guy  
Go on and kiss that guy

 

///

 

Loki laughed at the ridiculousness of the song. His cold heart warmed. Even if he didn't know it, Tony did exactly what he had wanted in the first place. Do something special. He slowly walked over to Tony keeping a straight face. When he was infront of him he grabbed him by the collar and ravened his mouth the way he had wanted to all those weeks. Tony moaned as they both ignored the gagging sounds coming from behind them.

When they finally parted, Loki looked deep into Tony's eyes and smirked. "Tony," Tony raised his eyebrows. "Do you even know why I was mad?"

Tony looked a bit sheepish. "Well, I had assumed..." 

Loki snorted. "I was mad because you failed to celebrate your midgardian holiday. Valentine's."

Now Tony looked really sheepish. "Well, there is a very good reason for that... I got nothing." He threw up his hands. 

Loki just laughed and shook his head. He grabbed Tony and started pulling him toward their bedroom. "Come, I do believe that we have some catching up to do." The door slammed shut behind them.

Clint sniffed. "How rude. Not one 'thanks you'."

Coulson put down his cello and looked at him. "Well, if it's a 'thank you' you want then you can find me in my bedroom." Clint couldn't run fast enough.

 

///

 

[Tony has entered]

[Loki has entered]

Loki: Why do we always do this?! You're right outside!

Tony: Is that an invitation? =3=

Loki: ...Get in here.

Tony: Oh, and by the way, don't listen to my last voice mails...

Loki: Why? Should I?

Tony: NO! Heh, no. It's just... um... nothing.

Loki: One moment.

Tony: Wait. Are you checking?! 

Loki: Well, obviously.

Tony: NO! I do NOT want to sleep on the couch again!

Loki: What? Tony? What are you doing? Don't take my phone! Stop it- gh4ig4c nwx3 ygvidgby43bgfrtjbvgjtrfsjbj

Tony: fnui4wcng54ghtriwfnfgjgjdddddddji8o9y5m4w,jnbjjh

Loki: fno4iwgmt5w

Loki: fjiu43wung3gtrewtg5ieh3 dgc453g53wohntuhhhddddddd;[

Tony: ngit3olmdt452htt53cyf5ohy5o2y563;[./opk543w

[Any more spam on this site and I might need to shut it down sir.]

Loki: Don't worry JARVIS I've got his phone. Although Loki is chasing me to get it back...

[I shall try my best to come to your funeral sir.]

Loki: Very funny JARV, very-nhgi4wmngy9o34olg5hr4whgihr54gwiukrn5hwig5h4lgwnh4unl

[Loki has left]

[Tony has left]

[Good luck sir.]


	6. Why the Avengers Just Shouldn't Go Drunk Hunting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, SO, SOOOOO Sorry for the long wait! School and everything... 
> 
> (Everything meaning Internet Problems)

Tony was so glad that Loki wasn't that mad at him for the whole 'Voicemail Incident'. Neither of them wanted to go too long without the other again.

That was torture for them both.

But other than that, everything seemed to going great. Until after Thor convinced what a great idea of 'Drunk Hunting' would be with the rest of the team. Apparently, the two of them used to get drunk and go out and hunt game in the Royal Forest. It was supposed to be more fun than normal hunting. And somehow they got everyone else on board with their dastardly plan. Tony was the only one that thought that it was a very bad idea. Yeah, shocker right? He was the one that was supposed to be doing all of the stupid and dangerous things that no one would dare to do under normal circumstances. He had said no and walked out. There was supposed to be a meeting for the new set up for one of his reactors in London.

He was on his way back a week later when everyone started blowing up his phone for him to go to the chat site. He rolled his eyes and clicked 'Accept'.

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

[Tony has entered]

[Everyone has entered]

Tony: Alright, what now? Drunk Lancing?

Loki: No, we still want you to come with us for the Drunk Hunting still.

Tony: Still!? I thought you all had decided to ditch me and go do it anyways.

Thor: Of course not! We shield brothers have to stick together! That is what we do.

Steve: Yeah, come on Tony. It'll be fun, a whole Avengers Adventure!

Tony: Yeah, more like accidentally getting an arrow to the everything adventure...

Loki: Lol...

Tony: It's not funny! It could happen!

Loki: Even though that is a amusing image to think of, that was not what I was laughing at.

Tony: ??? What then?

Thor: Man of Iron, the original saying would be "I took an arrow to the knee" which means-

Loki: That person just got betrothed.

Tony: Oh.

Loki: So, if you don't want me to cover you in various wedding rings and jewelry, then I would suggest that you shouldn't say that to any Asgardians if you come across any.

Tony: (It's not like I wouldn't mind or anything...) /-Whisper/

Loki: What was that? It's all clouded over.

Tony: Nothing... I'm still not doing it.

Clint: Oh come on! Everyone's gonna be there! Well, except for Pepper, Fury, Agent Hill, and Happy that is. But that's just because we haven't told them.

Tony: Yeah, cause I bet that they'd agree with me.

Coulson: Maybe, but no one expected you to balk so bad either.

Tony: Hey! Just cause I don't want to end up as a pin cushion, doesn't mean that I'm not as fun as before.

Bruce: Tony... Are you afraid of arrows?

Tony: No! Absolutely not!

Steve: But?

Tony: There is no 'but'!

Loki: Tony...

Bruce: Tony...

Steve: Tony...

Natasha: Tony...

Coulson: Mr. Stark...

Thor: Man of Iron?

Tony: ...

Bruce: It's all right Tony. You can tell us.

Tony: Well...

Steve: Yes?

Tony: It's just that...

Loki: Oh, just spit it out already!

Tony: Fine! Asshole... Anyway, when my dad had bothered to, he took me on business meetings. Sometimes it was golf, others it was at posh restaurants. But one time a deal didn't go quite so well and he got drunk _before_ we got home and we were at a private hunting reservation. Let's just say that I had to go to the hospital to get stitches...

Steve: Oh, Tony that's awful!

Natasha: What type of father would do that to their own son?

Tony: Well, he was drunk. And he can't aim worth shit anyways. He was good at making weapons, not firing them.

Bruce: But that still brings up the question are you afraid of arrows?

Tony: I already said no to that! I'm just not comfortable around people who are drunk and shooting arrows close to me.

Clint: Then what about me?! I shoot arrows close to you all the fucking time!

Tony: You're not drunk.

Clint: Oh...

Tony: That's right.

Loki: well, what if you're drunk also? Surely you wont notice the other arrows flying around you, right?

Tony: Huh. I never thought about it like that... But, wait. Why are you so hung up on doing this anyway?

Loki: Me and Thor have only just gotten on some sort of level ground here. All of those other decades of keeping my distance and not doing anything fun with my brother anymore kind of builds up over the years. Loki: [View Image]

 

Tony: Did you seriously just send me a picture of you pulling a puppy dog face?

Loki: Is it working?

Tony: ... Fine! Alright? Fine! God!

Loki: =3=

Clint: Yay!

Coulson: Good.

Thor: Huzzah!

Natasha: Finally.

Steve: Alright!

Bruce: I'm so proud of you Tony.

Tony: Oh, shut up. All of you.

Loki: Don't bother coming home, just follow the coordinates that JARVIS gives you.

Tony: Wait, did you all just trick me into going?! You rat bastards!

Steve: Sorry Tony.

[Steve has left]

Natasha: It had to be done.

[Natasha has left]

[Coulson has left]

Bruce: Well I didn't know...

Clint: That's because you probably would have warned him.

[Clint has left]

Bruce: Hmph

[Bruce has left]

Thor: Apologies. It was mostly Loki's idea.

[Thor has left]

Loki: Why should I spare your feelings now when we can go do something fun together and then have angry make-up sex afterward?

[Loki has left]

Tony: Well, when you put it like that...

[Tony has left]

 

 

///

 

 

Tony followed the coordinates that JARVIS had sent him and ended up in a large wooded area. For some reason, this place looked familiar...

When he had the jet on the ground, he headed out to the hunting lodge in the distance. Everyone was there and had already started on the drinks. Tony helped himself to some scotch. It wasn't long until everyone was pleasantly drunk. (Bruce and Loki had invented a way to get Steve drunk too.)

They all piled up into the Quinjet and went deeper into the woods. When they stopped in a nice little clearing, everyone chose their weapon. Thor, Loki, and Clint got a bow and arrow while everyone else got hunting rifles. 

Everyone split up into little groups. Natasha, Clint, and Coulson in one group. Steve and Bruce in the other. And Loki, Tony, and Thor in the last. 

Other than various trees, bushes, rocks and scraps of clothing off of the others, (Steve had almost taken off Thor's crown jewels once...) they had actually caught something. Two bald eagles, an osprey, three bobcats, an actual river otter, an exotic turtle, and a Tasmanian devil. They all laughed at that last one. 

It was getting dark, so they headed back to the Quinjet. But right as Tony was about to tell Natasha to close the door, he saw this weird looking deer thing. 

So, obviously, Tony starts to take aim. But he cant because the jet is shaking from side to side. "Thor! Bruce! Knoack it uoff bak there!" Tony slurred. He turned back and Bambi was about to run. "Oh nu yo dunt!" And he pulled the trigger.

Bambi.  _ **Exploded.**_

As soon as the bullet hit it, the thing turned into an atom bomb! 

The force of the blast threw Tony all the way into the jet, closed the door, and gave them a boost. Natasha started up the jet and kept on going while they where still in the air from the blast. 

"Wut the hell jurst hapned?!" Tony yelled drunkenly at Loki.

Loki looked up from were he was curled around a bucket and wiped his mouth before he said, "I... had fargutten tha yu had that gun. T'was an ex- exparilayment... experiment. Makes anything it hits... big badda boom."

Everyone was stareing wide eyed at Loki, gaping. Loki just shrugged and threw up again.

Pepper was waiting for them when they got back. She wasn't happy.

That was the understatement of the century...

After everyone got out, Pepper stalked up to Tony and grabbed fists fulls of his lapels and jerked him closer.

"WHAT," She shook him. "THE HELL," She shook him even harder. Any more of this and even Tony was going to throw up... "DID. YOU. DO?!!!"

Tony gently grabbed her hands and took them from his suit. It was a new Armani one. "All rught Pep. What are yu talken abut?" 

Pepper stopped. "Are you drunk?!" Then the looked around at the rest of them. "Are  _all_ of you drunk?!" Everyone looked down and shuffled their feet. Well, except for Thor and Loki. They could do what they pleased. Pepper sighed and pinched the bridge of ther nose. "My E.S.R. Endangered Species Reservation, is now burned to the ground! Every animal that resided there are now  _dead_ _!!!_ " Ah. That's why it had looked so familiar... Everyone paled in realization. "And you all were seen last, flying away when the explosion started that no one even knows how it had happened! I am going to kill you!!! All of you!!!" 

At that, everyone split up and  _ran like hell._ Clint jumped up into Coulson's arms and screamed bloody murder, while Natasha and Bruce hastily retreated. Steve tripped and fell down a hill that was right next to the runway. Thor just spun Mjolnir and went up like Solja Boy. YOU! Loki just grabbed Tony about the waist while he was screaming too, and teleported them to a hotel room far far away. Pepper didn't know all of his properties. Right?

-TBC...

 

 


	7. Cover Art!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (P.S. Cover Art was originally from somewhere else. AKA: I do not own this artwork and all rights belong to Veronicos. Check out her original post! http://veronicos.tumblr.com/post/62378220684/how-do-you-do-it-stark-loki-asked-instead-of-a)


	8. Honey, I shrunk the Avengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony shouldn't be allowed to learn magic...

After all of the screaming and everyone (Except for the two gods) ending up in traction, Pepper calmed down enough to get another one built and founded, with strict instructions to NEVER do what they had done ever again.

Terrified, they had quickly agreed.

Tony, seeing how Loki had gotten the least of Pepper's wrath by magical means, decided that the best course of action would be to learn the arcane arts.

From Loki of course.

 

  
///

 

  
[Tony has entered]

[Loki has entered]

Tony: Babe!

Loki: Quite. Tony, is there a reason you messaged me from your office instead of just coming down the elevator?

Tony: There's a huge spider sitting right infront of the door...

Loki: ...

Tony: I can't get out.

Loki: Why don't you kill it?

Tony: Are you kidding me?! The things huge!

Loki: Get a big shoe then!

Tony: No! These are my new ones! Plus, I saw this gif on Tumblr, look!

[Image]

 

Loki: Oh my... O.O

Tony: IKR?! (screamz) p(>o<)q

Loki: Don't worry, I'll save your sorry ass. Again.

Tony: Thanks, dick.

Loki: Was that all?

Tony: Don't change the subject!- No, I wanted to teach me magic! That'll solve the spider problem too. A swish and flick and POOF! The spider's gone.

Loki: Tony... I'm not so sure that's the best of ideas...

Tony: I'll wear that stupid maid's outfit if you do.

Loki: Really?!

Tony: Yeah, yeah, sure. Just don't take any pictures.

Loki: And you said that, and I quote, 'I will not wear that, not in a million years!!!'

Tony: Shut up. You won't use those sex toys I bought you!

Loki: And THAT is because you have not earned it. Be a good little boy, and you shall have a treat once in a while.

Tony: You're bullshitting me.

Loki: Nooooo, I am just stating the facts. Man-whore.

Tony: What!?

Loki: Stating the faaaaaacts. Pussy.

Tony: You forgot a few, rat bastard.

Loki: Cunt.

Tony: Jackass.

Loki: Bitch.

Tony: Bug-shit crazy, rabid cat in your hat fucker with daddy issues.

Loki: Ooooh. Now _that_  was uncalled for, you cock sucking slut that never can hold on to any friends.

[Bruce has entered]

Bruce: Both of you stop it before I do.

[Bruce has left]

Tony: JARVIS?

[I was afraid for your life, Sir.]

Tony: And you didn't think that I could beat him on my own?!

[...]

Tony: Ungrateful little...

Loki: I am done here. Good bye.

Tony: Wait! What about my question?

Loki: You were rather rude to me.

Tony: You started it!

Loki: So?

Tony: Fine! I'll wear that 'goddess of sex' outfit too.

Loki: With the cock heels?

Tony: FINE!

Loki: Oh, alright. Meet me in 10.

Tony: Good. See you then.

Loki: Bye.

[Loki has left]

Tony: ...

Tony: Wait... WHERE DID THAT SPIDER GO?!

[Tony has left]

 

  
///

 

  
When Tony signed out, he felt something tickle his hand.

He looked down.

And he wished he didn't.

There the spider was, sitting on his desk and grabbing his pointer finger, just like in the gif.

Before he can do anything, the spider heaves-

-Tony sails across the room and slams into the door.

After Tony got up dizzily, the spider had disappeared from the desk.

So he just chose to run out screaming and then lock the door behind him. He'll come back when he'd learnt some magic.

See how they like THAT!

 

  
///

 

  
When is was time to meet Loki, Tony was in one of his many rooms that he usually uses for testing his different weapons when he used to make them. Now they're pretty much unused since he doesn't really test his toys for the other Avengers or for himself. The rest don't know that though.

Tony claps his hands together before spreading them wide. "Alright! Let's make some magic!"

Loki rolls his eyes and smacks Tony upside the head, ignoring his indignant 'Hey!'. "This is not one of your test runs with your armor, Tony. You _need_  to learn the basics and the theory before you do the training. Most times, for people who has a tendency to 'run before they walk'," Loki gave Tony a significant look when he says this. "usually end up dieing a horrible death is some crazy accident caused by their own stupidity."

Tony huffs in irritation. "Fine, fine, fine. Just teach me some small spell, you know, to find out if I really can do this mumbo jumbo. K?"

Loki sighs. "Well, I guess that makes a little sense..." He looks thoughtful now. "Alright, only a weak spell. But be careful when you cast it. Even small spells can cause at least some damage."

Tony nods eagerly. Practically vibrating with anticipation. Loki goes to stand infront of him. "Now, repeat after me; _Et minor, minus erit._  It means, 'be smaller, be shorter'. It's a shrinking spell."

It took a few tries, (he never tried too hard to learn Latin...) but he finally got it. The wrench that they were working on, shrunk down to twice the size of Tony's thumb nail. "Yes!" Tony jumped up, clapping childishly. "Now, what happens if I-" He starts to point at Loki, thinking that he'll shrink his clothes, but suddenly, the spider from earlier drops down from the ceiling and onto Tony's hand. The engineer screams and waves his hand around, halfway through the spell. The light of the spell zips out of Tony's hand- bounces off of the reflective walls- and hits both Loki and Tony, leaving some left over to continue bouncing around the room.

Around the two, things begin to grow at an alarming rate. Or more likely, they're shrinking.

When it's over, they're approximately five inches tall. (Loki's still taller though.)

Loki calmly glances around, turning slowly. When he comes all the way around he just stands there for a moment.

Then he lunges forward at Tony screeching. "YOU IDIOT! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!! YOU. HAVE. SHRUNKEN. US!!!" With each word, he slams Tony down onto the ground.

Tony winces and tries to pull away. "Look, baby- ow." That one hurt. "I was just trying to shrink your cloths at first! You know, a little laugh for the both of us-" He stops short when Loki tosses him a vicious look. "Okay, maybe me. But then that _DAMN_  spider just _had_  to go and land on my hand. So blame it, not me... Please?"

Tony's a little dizzy now from all of the 'bad Tony' bashing, so he sways a bit when Loki lets go. "No, I'll just blame it on you." He says after standing up, looking behind him. "Because I don't think that the spider will appreciate being blamed for something he was only partially a part of." At that, he takes off running with a slightly panicked look on his face.

Alarmed, Tony whirls around.

The spider from earlier, is heading straight for him, towering at least three inches above Tony's head. "Oh myyyy GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!" He screams as he jumps up, stumbles, and runs after Loki. "FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK-" And on, as he says it like a mantra.

Luckily, they didn't shut the door all of they way, leaving a small sliver of the door open. They run through it and shut it behind them.

_Thunk_

They closed the door before the spider could come through too, thus, spider `ala on a door. Though, it's probably not dead. shit.

They move a ways away from the door, and the room holding the now gargantuan arachnid.

Tony sighs as they sit down at the bottom of the stairs, catching their breath. "What now?"

Loki is about to answer, when a herd of mammoths thunder down toward them. What it actually is though, was only the rest of the Avengers thundering down the stairs to the testing room.

Wait-

The tiny figures positioned at the bottom of the stairs scream in horror as they see the now giant Avengers stomp towards them, as the scramble to get out of their way quickly.

Natasha cocks her head to the side as she keeps on moving. "Steve, does the tower have mice?"

Steve looks up as he opens the door to the testing room, not seeing the large spider scuttling out of it. "Not that I know of. If there is, I'm sure JARVIS will take care of it. Right, JARVIS?" Steve looks up at the ceiling as always.

JARVIS speaks up. "Actually- SIR!-" He doesn't get to say anymore as the light from Tony's shrinking spell comes shooting out of the room, hitting the rest of the Avengers, and causing them to shrink just as Tony and Loki had. The light from the spell, that has almost diminished completely now, bounces off and away.

They all lay on the floor in a jumbled heap.

"Well, shit." Clint says from the bottom of the pile.

Thor sits up, (even though he's on the bottom too) looking confused. "Why has the furnishing grown?"

Steve sits up as Natasha swiftly hops up and off of the pile. "Well, it appears that he have been shrunk." He says rather sarcastically. But Thor just nods and stands up, along with Clint, causing Bruce (the only one still on him and Clint, trying to keep calm) to gently slide from his lap, only to pick him up and rock him in his arms to help.

Clint turns to see Tony waving frantically from where he and Loki had fallen in their haste to get away. Loki just starts to climb up the stairs quickly.

Clint waves back, smiling. "Hey guys! JARVIS told us that you did something stupid again. I guess this is it."

Tony scowls, turning and climbing after Loki as he points to something behind them.

They all frown in confusion and turn around-

And start screaming and running after the two already up three of the stairs.

The spider was after all of them now.

 

 

///

 

  
Fury was just being handed some top secret files to sign from Agent Coulson when his phone rang.

Fury and Coulson look at each other, knowing it can only be a handful of people that have his personal phone number.

Fury checks the calling ID and scowls, answering it. Damn Stark, what does he want now? "What?"

JARVIS's voice comes through, sounding slightly panicked. "Sir, it would be advantageous of you to get over here as quickly as possible."

Fury frowns. "What? What's happened? Hello?" But JARVIS only hung up, trying to help his master and his housemates from getting eaten by a giant spider.

Fury scowls again, standing up. "Come on, Phil. Stark's fucked shit up again." Coulson just shakes his head as he drops the files onto Fury's desk and following the director out of his office. Clint better have not contributed, or he wasn't going to be able to walk tomorrow.

 

 

///

 

 

"Stark?" The tiny Avengers look up from where they're hiding from inside of a cup. The spider couldn't climb glass.

Coulson catches eye of them, sighing as he flicks the spider away and takes them out of the cup. "Clint..."

Clint clings to Coulson's middle finger even after he had put down the rest of the Avengers. "Hey, all I did was get in the way." That said, he begins to gnaw on the agent's finger.  
Coulson blushes slightly and shakes him off.

Fury sighed and rubbed his temples. "And how exactly did this happen?"

Tony winces when everyone glares at him when he finishes explaining. "What? Spiders freak me out."

"Well how do we-" Fury gets cut off when he sees all of the Avengers jumping up and waving at him to move out of the way. Coulson does, but Fury's just a second too slow.

He gets shrunk too.

Coulson opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, he gets shrunk also. "Damn."

Luckily for them though, all of the left over light from Tony's spell is finally spent. Not that this helps the ones that are already shrunk though.

"There goes our help." Bruce mumbles at the back of the group.

No one gets a chance to answer, as the spider shows up once again, to finish what it started.

Unlike the other times when they were able to get away, they were cornered on the edge of the table. It was either let the spider get you, or to take on giant leap backward for tinykind.

Tony turned and jumped.

Loki tried to reach for him. "Tony, no!"

But it was too late. Tony had already fallen off the side of the table.

Loki looked like he was about to cry, not caring whether the others saw him or not.

They did, cause no one was paying any attention to Thor, who had his hand out, as if to catch Tony too.

That's not what he was trying do at all.

And everyone else saw that too as Thor's hammer zoomed from under the table right to his hand, _and didn't crush him._  He was holding it as if it was just a styrofoam model and not a two ton, magical, metal hammer.

Everyone else was almost too awed at that to see Tony clinging to the top of the hammer like a limpet.

Loki's eyes lit up, still a little misty. "Tony!" Tony smiled and slid down to fall into Loki's waiting arms. Loki squeezed him to his chest hard for a moment before whacking Tony upside the head. "Idiot! I thought you died!"

Tony was getting tired of how many times he keeps on wincing in one day.

Clint spoke up from where he was snuggled into Coulson's arms from when the agent had shrunk earlier. "Tony not being a pancake is great and all, but what about the spider?" Everyone whipped around to see Fury slowly being wrapped up in a cocoon covertly by the spider. His mouth had been covered up, so he couldn't call for help.

Caught, the spider dropped Fury and started to walk towards them slowly again.

Everyone screamed again and clung to each other.

But then Thor just walked up nonchalantly and _smashed the spider with his hammer._

Speechless, everyone gaped at Thor, who was wiping the remains of the spider on Fury's still cocooned body. Fury scowled.

Tony cleared his throat and looked around. "Well... That happened." Then he turned to Loki. "Hey, how do we get back to normal anyway?"

Loki opened his mouth, then stopped. "I... Can change us back by reversing spell." And he facepalmed himself.

Clint got up and walked over to the two. "You mean to tell me, that we could have been changed back from the very beginning!?"

Loki ducked his head and nodded before snapping it back up and glaring at the archer. "Well, we were kind of _busy!_ "

Bruce walked up and put his hand on each of their chests. "That's enough! You-" He pointed at Clint. "Sit in the corner." Clint hung his head but did it. He knew better than to argue. "You-" He pointed to Loki. "Get us back to normal." Loki nodded reluctantly. He knew not to argue either. "And YOU-" He pointed to Tony. "At least try not to fuck up so much, okay?" Tony pouted. It wasn't even his fault! Mostly...

" _Fieri maior, erit altior._ " Loki mumbled, just for Tony's benefit. He didn't need to say the words out loud. He mouthed the words, 'be bigger, be taller' to Tony. Tony mouthed, 'ooooooh' back.

All around them, the table and everything else started to shrink. Or, they had started to grow back to normal size.

When it was over, everyone was sprawled across the kitchen table.

But not Fury though. Since no one helped him out of his little cocoon, the remains of it, and the spider, were dangling off of his nose, with him on the floor.

Fury stood, wiping away the gunk attached to his nose, and grimacing darkly. "Since we weren't needed at all, I'm leaving." He spun on his heel, making his coat flare, and marched out.

The Avengers didn't really hear him, as they were trying to untangle themselves without falling clean off the table.

Clint fell with a thud, dragging Coulson with him.

Even though they were bigger, Loki would NOT let Tony fall off of the table.

Natasha and Bruce silently got up and went to their separate rooms.

Only Thor and Steve were still on the table.

Steve got up with a curious frown on his face. "Thor, how did you use Moljnir when we were so small? It should have crushed you!"

Thor got up as well and turned to Steve. He wiggled his fingers a bit at the other while saying, " _Magic!_ " And he walked off, leaving Steve gaping at him.

 

 

///

 

 

[Tony has entered]

[Loki has entered]

Loki: Tooonnnyyyyyyyyyy-

Tony: _NO_

Loki: But darling-

Tony: I said no!

Loki: Well, if you must know, I get a little possessive when my things are threatened.

Tony: Things?

Loki: Wait! That didn't come out right!

Tony: It came out just fine.

Loki: What I meant to say was- Wait what?

Tony: You're mine. And I'm yours. Plain and simple.

Loki: I-

Tony: _Caaaaaaaaan you feel the looooooooove to niiiiiiight?_

Loki: What? I thought you were mad at me for coupling with you too hard...

Tony: No, I mean- god, I have to get you to watch 'The Lion King'. You'll just _adore_  Scar. Why, he's just like you!

Loki: I seriously doubt it.

Tony: Lets try a test shall we? If I were to become king instead of you, what would that make you?

Loki: A monkey's lover. =.=

Tony: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Or better yet, TROLLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

Loki: What? What did I say?

Tony: ROFLMFAO!!!

Loki: ...

Tony: Whoo! That's just too funny!

Loki: Can I come back in the bedroom now?

Tony: Oh man! Yeah sure. Both of my cheeks hurt now!

[Loki has left]

Tony: Wait... Loki? What are you-

[Tony has left]

[If your headstone says, 'Tony Stark died from too much sex', then I'm never going to let you get over that, Sir.]

~

 


	9. That feline beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets Loki to watch 'The Lion King'. 
> 
> Hilarity ensues.

Once Tony got over being sore for a _week_ , he sat Loki down to watch 'The Lion King' with the rest of the gang. He was reluctant at first, but after seeing how much alike he and this 'Scar' character, he was intrigued.

He even sang 'Be prepared' with Tony.

Tony was exuberant. Loki had liked the movie just as he said that he would.

There was only one small problem...

Loki wanted to make a play - About the movie.

Starring the rest of them.

With a few tweaks to the plot line of course...

Once everyone had heard about Loki's 'brilliant' plan, they had hightailed it out of there.

Problem was... Loki could use magic. But, all he did was make sure that none of them could exit the tower.

He called them all to the chat site to try and persuade them.

 

 

///

 

 

[Loki has entered]

[Tony has entered]

[Thor has entered]

[Bruce has entered]

[Natasha has entered]

[Clint has entered]

[Steve has entered]

[Coulson has entered]

[Agent Hill has entered]

[Jane has entered]

[Fury In My Pants has entered]

Fury In My Pants: Ha ha, very funny. Now change it back.

Tony: Don't look at me, I didn't do it!

Loki: Lol

Clint: Lol!

Coulson: ...Sorry sir.

Fury In My Pants: You three!? And Coulson, why!?

Coulson: I... was compromised.

Clint: Aww, thanks babe!

Coulson: Shut it, You're the reason I'm in this mess.

Clint: You still liked it though... =3=

Coulson: Unfortunately.

Loki: I just helped.

Fury In My Pants: (Sigh) Why are we here Loki?

Tony: Wow. It's like I can _feel_ his headache coming on! ...I hope it's not contagious.

Bruce: I'll bet it is.

Loki: ANYWAY, I wanted to suggest a proposition to to all-

Fury In My Pants: NO.

Tony: Nu uh.

Thor: Nay brother.

Coulson: No.

Clint: Nah.

Steve: No way.

Natasha: I refuse.

Agent Hill: I don't care to know.

Jane: ...

Loki: Oh, come on! You'll love it!

Tony: Um, I'm pretty sure we wont.

Loki: Too bad. You all will be a part in my play, or I'll hold all of the coffee shops hostage.

Tony: _**NOOOOOOOO!!!**_

Clint: (Gasp!) You know what it does to Tony when he doesn't get his coffee!

Loki: Mm hmm. And You'll all suffer under his hands until you all agree.

[Everyone: ...]

Loki: Great! Here's all of your parts; I'll be Scar-

Tony: Of course.

Loki: Tony will be Simba, Thor is Mufasa, Natasha is Nala, Bruce is Sarabi too-

Bruce: I am a guy you know...

Loki: -Clint is Timone, Coulson is Pumbaa-

Coulson: I'm not fat.

Loki: -Steve is Zazu, Bruce is Rafiki, Fury, Hill, and Jane will be the crazy hyenas. Fury; the leader, Hill; the sidekick, Jane; the retarded one. Alright? Good.

Tony: Baby, what did I do to deserve this?

Loki: Just by loving me, Darling.

Bruce: Then what about the rest of us?

Loki: Guilty by association. Now suit up! The show is about to start!

Steve: What!? You saw the movie for the first time only yesterday!

Loki: Magic!

[Loki has left]

Steve: Ugh, I knew it.

[Steve has left]

Tony: This had better be worth the sex... What am I talking about, of course it is!

[Tony has left]

[Agent Hill has left]

Jane: If I had known that dating a god would end up to this...

[Jane has left]

Thor: How foreboding...

[Thor has left]

[Bruce has left]

[Natasha has left]

Fury In My Pants: I should have shot him when I had the chance... And this stupid name better be gone when I get back!

[Fury In My Pants has left]

Clint: I don't really mind all that much.

Coulson: Try saying that after the fact.

[Coulson has left]

Clint: Aww, man...

[Clint has left]

 

 

///

 

 

When the all reached the studio (Loki had rented it out for the night. Crowds of people came when they heard that the Avengers were starring in it.) Loki was already there, waiting for them with their costumes.

Which really didn't look like costumes...

Loki held up Tony's 'costume first. Everyone looked at it in horror.

It looked like a skinned lion cub pelt. Only, It was scarlet with golden on the paws, underbelly, and the tuff at the end of the tail.

Loki rolled his eyes, "Relax, I didn't kill any stupid Midgardian animal to get these." Everyone was still very much creeped out, but they felt a little better.

Thor just shook his head, "My brother slaughtered a hoard of Hamskifter. They are creatures that have no natural form. They change their shape to what ever animal they please, and when slain, they change into what the slayer wishes. And if they are skinned, one can wear their pelt and turn into that animal for a short period of time." Only Tony, Bruce, and Jane looked intrigued, the rest looked slightly disgusted.

Loki held out the pelt to Tony. "Just tie the arms around your waist. The rest will tale care of itself." Tony shrugged and did as asked.

Everyone stood in awed disgust. After the pelt was tied, the arms stretched up and wrapped around Tony's, changing them into what they had looked like before the beast had died. The same was for the rest of his body until all that was left was a cute little scarlet lion cub.

All of the girls cooed and swarmed Tony.

Loki scowled while Tony was preening smugly. "Wow, who knew that being a cute kitty was such a chick magnet. I should have tried this years ago! Even though I didn't need it, heh."

Everyone jumped when they heard Tony's voice come from the cub.

Clint was the first to recover. "Wait, you can still talk!? Cool! Gimme mine! Gimme mine!" The gleeful archer ran forward and pulled out his costume - And then started cackling.

It was a royal purple with black stripes.

Bruce walked up waving his hands. "Wait, wait, wait. If we're all different colors, then how is everyone supposed to know who we are?"

"Don't worry, I already sent out posters." Loki mumbled as he stalked up to the crowd of squealing girls and snatched Tony away and started petting him like an evil overlord. Tony didn't mind, there was this spot on his back that- oh yeah.

Everyone's costume was different. Bruce's was emerald with a white beard and belly while the other was and apple green with tawny paws, belly, and tail, Natasha's was black with vermilion paws, belly, and tail, Coulson's was black with white hair, Steve's hadn't really differed from the movie that much except that the colors differed from red, white and blue, Loki's was jade with a black mane and tail with golden paws and belly, and Thor's was silver with a golden mane and tail with crimson paws and belly. Fury's, Hill's, and Jane's costumes didn't change from the movie much either, except that Fury was black with chocolate, Hill was black with sapphire, and Jane was cherry with sienna.

Once everyone was done changing, they started the play.

_Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba [Here comes a lion, Father]  
Sithi uhm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion]_

_Nants ingonyama bagithi baba_  
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama  
Ingonyama

 _Siyo Nqoba [We're going to conquer]_  
Ingonyama  
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala [A lion and a leopard come to this open place]

**Chant repeats**

_From the day we arrive on the planet_  
And blinking, step into the sun  
There's more to see than can ever be seen  
More to do than can ever be done

 _There's far too much to take in here_  
More to find than can ever be found  
But the sun rolling high  
Through the sapphire sky

 _Keeps great and small on the endless round_  
It's the Circle of Life  
And it moves us all  
Through despair and hope  
Through faith and love

 _Till we find our place_  
On the path unwinding  
In the Circle  
The Circle of Life

 _It's the Circle of Life_  
And it moves us all  
Through despair and hope  
Through faith and love  
Till we find our place  
On the path unwinding  
In the Circle  
The Circle of Life

Loki had made and illusion for all of the other animals bowing to the birth of the new prince. Tony looked kind of bored and Bruce was a little awkward with holding Tony up like that.

Loki was delighted to try and gobble up Steve, but that just resulted with a pecked tongue.

Thor played up to his part nicely. Of course he would, he was telling like off like any brother would.

When Tony's, Natasha's, and Steve's song came in, they changed the lyrics up a bit.

_Tony: I'm gonna be a brilliant inventor, so engineers beware!_

_Steve: I've never seen a king of technology With quite so little hair_

_Tony: I'm gonna be the mane event Like no inventor was before  
I'm brushing up on looking down I'm working on my roar _

_Steve: Thus far a rather uninspiring thing_

_Tony: Oh, I just can't wait to be king!_

_Steve: You have a rather long way to go, Tony if you think!_

_Tony: No one saying do this_

_Steve: Now when I said that--_

_Natasha: No one saying be there_

_Steve: What I meant was--_

_Tony: No one saying stop that_

_Steve: What you don't realize--_

_Both T &N: No one saying see here! _

_Steve: Now see here!_

_Tony: Free to invent stuff all day_

_Steve: Well that's definitely out--_

_Tony: Free to do it all my way!_

_Steve: I think it's time that you and I Arranged a heart-to-heart_

_Tony: Inventors don't need advice From stupid hornbills for a start_

_Steve: If this is where the monarchy is headed Count me out_  
Out of service, out of New York I wouldn't hang about  
Ach!  
This child is getting wildly out of wing

 _Tony: Oh, I just can't wait to be an inventor!_  
Everybody look left  
Everybody look right  
Everywhere you look I'm--  
Standing in the spotlight

_Steve: Not yet!_

_Loki's illusioned animals: Let every creature go for broke and sing_  
Let's hear it in the herd and on the wing  
It's gonna be King Tony's finest fling

 _Tony: Oh, I just can't wait to be an inventor!_  
Oh, I just can't wait to be an inventor!  
Oh, I just can't wait to be an inventor!

_Steve: I beg you pardon madam but, GET OFF!_

Loki took great pleasure in squashing Steve with an illusioned rhino.

But Fury had great pleasure in taking his aggressions out on Tony and Natasha when they came to the elephant graveyard for more parts to create this thing that he's been working on.

Thor also loves fighting with a new body. He probably should have pulled a few 'punches' though...

Loki being sneaky and mischievous so much so that, well it has to be put in song!

 _Loki: I know that your powers of retention_  
Are as wet as a warthogs backside  
But thick as you are, pay attention  
My words are a matter of pride

 _It's clear from your vacant expressions_  
The lights are not all on upstairs  
But we're talking mischief and pranking  
Even you can't be caught unawares

 _So prepare for a chance of a lifetime_  
Be prepared for sensational news  
A shining new hilarity, is tiptoeing nearer

_Fury: And where do we feature?_

_Loki: Just listen to teacher_  
I know it sounds sordid but you'll be rewarded  
When at last I am given my laughs!  
And injustice deliciously squared  
Be prepared!

_Agent Hill: Yeah! Be prepared, we'll be prepared! For what?_

_Loki: For the pranking of the king_

_Agent Hill: Is he gullible?_

_Loki: No, fool! We're going to kill him and Tony, too_

_Fury: Great idea! Who needs a king?_

_All three: No king, no king!_

_Loki: Idiots! I'm not killing them!_

_Agent Hill: But you said?_

_Loki: I'm going to prank them!  
Stick with me and you'll never go hungry again! _

_Fury: Yay, all right! Long live the king! Long live the king!_

_All hyenas: It's great that we'll soon be connected  
With a king who'll be all-time adored _

_Loki: Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected_  
To take certain duties on board  
The future is littered with prizes  
And though I'm the main addressee

 _The point that I must emphasize is_  
You won't get a sniff without me!  
So prepare for the prank of the century  
Be prepared for the murkiest scam

 _Meticulous planning tenacity spanning_  
Decades of sitting idle is simply why I'll  
Be pranking undisputed hidden, saluted  
And seen for the wonder I am

_Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared  
Be prepared! _

_All hyenas: Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared  
Be prepared!_

The rest of the play carried on after that.

(A/N: TLK Story plot: Thor wants Tony to be heir to the crown, but Tony just wants to invent things. Loki is mad at Thor for not letting him have the throne, but doesn't really blame Tony because he doesn't even want it. Also, Loki feels something strange whenever he looks at Tony but heeds it no mind. Tony however, knows he has a crush on his scorned uncle, but since said uncle was adopted and didn't really see him as his nephew anyway, he thought that it was fine and planned to have Loki court him. Thor also tried to get Natasha betrothed to Tony too, but since Natasha was his sister, and he was in love with Loki, that just wouldn't do. Natasha only saw him as the smart but dumb brother that she had. When Tony invites Natasha, Loki, and Thor to see his new invention, Loki causes a prank right as Tony activates his device, thus making Tony feel responsible for the prank gone horribly wrong and runs away. Loki had asked the hyenas to help him with his prank which was only supposed to scare Thor a bit while Tony and Loki laughed it out. But the hyenas mess it all up and cause a stampede. Loki panics and runs to help Tony, not knowing that Thor and Natasha are racing to Tony also. Loki saves Tony, but only just. But when he notices that Thor had tossed Natasha onto a ledge but getting stampeded in the process. Thus dieing. While Loki feels horror and shame, he doesn't run away like Tony. He takes his rightful place as king and sends out search parties for Tony, but with no success. He takes the hyenas as his army for all the work that they had done for him. The Hyenas know that it was their fault, but are afraid that if they tell the truth, that they'll be killed instantly. And they're right. So, they don't say a word and leak false information about Tony's whereabouts. Natasha is sad at the loss of their father but she doesn't really think that it was Tony's fault, so she goes in search after him herself years later. Loki couldn't because of problems with food shortage. Natasha finds Tony in the jungle with Coulson and Clint, making a technological paradise and living his dream. Tony was happy, but there was one thing missing; Loki. He was still in love with him and nothing would change that. But how could he face him and when Tony had killed Thor? He was sure that Loki hated him now, along with everybody else. So when he ran into Natasha about to kill Coulson and Clint, he thought that she was there to kill him and fought her. She won, of course. But once she had noticed that it was actually Tony, she stopped and begged him to come back home. Tony didn't believe her at first, and lashed out at her. She left feeling hopeless and sympathetic. After a few days, Clint and Coulson had finally convinced Tony to go back to his kingdom and at least rule the throne with his inventions in tow. When Tony shows up, Loki finally finds out what that strange something that he felt for Tony was. Love. But when he approaches Tony to propose to him, Tony announces that it was his fault that Thor had died. And since everyone only heard the it was a stampede that had killed their beloved king, they felt astonished and betrayed. Some even tried to kill Tony, but Loki comes to the rescue and roars out that he was the one who did it. Now everyone is confused and tries to kill him instead. Coulson and Clint, having heard the hyenas gossiping that they were the ones to actually do it, the cry out who it was all along right as Loki and Tony are about to fall off of a ledge into a burning pit. The hyenas panic and try to push Tony off of the cliff while he's trying to help Loki up. Loki, seeing Tony get hurt, leaps over him and thrusts the hyenas over the ledge instead. Loki finally tells Tony of his undieing love and they smooch they kiss they go home happy. Tony's inventions, and having no hyenas around to gobble everything up helps with the food shortages and they rule the throne side by side. The end! -Whoever wants to make this into a fic go right ahead, but mention me and send me a link in the comments below!- )

After the play, everyone walked out onto stage again and bowed.

The crowds went wild.

 

 

///

 

 

[Loki has entered]

[Tony has entered]

[Thor has entered]

[Natasha has entered]

[Bruce has entered]

[Clint has entered]

[Coulson has entered]

[Steve has entered]

Loki: Well?

Tony: 'Well?' what?

Loki: We were amazing! Especially you, my darling.

Tony: Aww, you weren't too bad yourself. You're like, the perfect version of 'good' Scar.

Loki: Thank you. Now do you see why this was a good idea?

Natasha: We could have forgone you threatening us.

Loki: Had to be done. Otherwise, none of you would have done it with me!

Clint: I would have.

Coulson: No you wouldn't.

Clint: Okay...

Tony: You would have tricked me into it with sex.

Loki: Yep.

Steve: You should be ashamed of yourself.

Loki: Never been, never will.

Steve: Ugh!

[Steve has left]

Tony: Lol

Bruce: What's so funny?

Tony: Loki owes me one now! That's. Just. So. _Delightful..._

Loki: ...I-I do not-

Tony: Don't lie.

Loki: D-damn it.

Tony: (Insert evil laugh here) >:D

Bruce: Well, I'm moving as far away as I can until Loki pays Tony back. I don't even want to know.

Clint: I wanna watch!

Coulson: Count us in Bruce.

Clint: (Party pooper...) -Whisper

Coulson: What was that?

Clint: N-nothing honey bunches!

Coulson: Hmm.

[Coulson has left]

Clint: Whew! That was a close one! -Wait... Phil? What are you- No! NOT THERE!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! BHBH VVGHVC YUAVW&WF@*NGEMW@!*EGM@!&^EF@*&EGN@E@&NE&@ !&^@!^E

[Clint has left]

Tony: O.O

Loki: O.O

Natasha: o.o

Bruce: o.o

Thor: Clint was a shield brother to us all. We shall miss him dearly.

[Thor has left]

Tony: Rest in peace man.

[Tony has left]

Natasha: He will be missed.

[Natasha has left]

Loki: I shall regret not pranking him more when I had the chance.

[Loki has left]

Bruce: Amen.

[Bruce has left]


	10. Tony decides to make a quiz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony, posing as a 19 year old girl, makes a quiz for the public to try! ...but so do the Avengers...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter, but... you know... real life... being an ass...

Tony, being the easily bored but devilishly handsome man that he is, decides to pose as a 19 year old girl on Quotev.com and make a quiz about the Avengers for the public called 'Which of the Avengers is your match made in... Marvel?'... just for laughs.

Once he finishes, he posts it, and waits for the magic to happen.

(A/N: Here's the link to the quiz I made for this, it's great! http://www.quotev.com/quiz/5158458/Which-of-the-Avengers-is-your-match-made-in-Marvel/ P.S. Please take the quiz and look at the other answers before you read the rest.)

 

///

 

[Everyone has entered]

Tony: Hey guys!

Steve: What have you done now Tony?

Loki: Yes, what travesty have to produced this time?

Tony: Wow. Really feeling the love here. >:I

Bruce: Just spit it out Tony.

Tony: Well fine! I pretended to be a 19 year old girl on Quotev and made a quiz to see who would be their girlfriend/boyfriend. Of course, Loki isn't on there because he is mine and always will be. ;)

Loki: Oh really? Then why are _you_ on there!?

Tony: ...Because?

Loki: Tony...

Tony: Okay, okay! I'm on there because it would seem a bit strange to have all of the Avengers on there but not me. I mean, I'm a hot mess! 

Loki: Oh yes, but not yet. You will be in a second once I've gotten my hands on you!

[Loki has left]

Tony: *Screams in terror* WAIT! BABE! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU-JMUYMVumGytnvgytYNYFN^CF^YNFG&fnf67f7fFYVUCM&V~!!!

[Tony has left]

[Coulson has entered]

Coulson: ...I could hear that all the way from S.H.E.I.L.D.

[Coulson has left]

Clint: ...

Natasha: What is it?

Clint: I took Tony's quiz...

Steve: Really? ...I did too...

Thor: I do believe we all have taken this 'quiz' as you say.

Natasha: So which result did you get?

Clint: ...Steve.

Natasha: ...

Steve: ...

Bruce: ...

Thor: I see no problem with this.

Clint: Oh really!? Then who did you get?

Thor: Myself!

Clint: Of course...

Steve: ...I got Bruce...

Bruce: ...

Thor: NO! THE MAN OF ANGER BELONGS TO ME!

Bruce: *Blush* ...I got Natasha.

Natasha: .

Thor: WHAT!? So you enjoy the lady's company more than mine!? *Sobs very manly like*

Bruce: No! Wait! Thor! 

Thor: *Thunder from above*

[Thor has left]

Bruce: *Sigh* Oh boy...

[Bruce has left]

Clint: Then who got me? 

[Tony has entered]

Tony: I- I did... I lost Loki for a minute but- AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! BYJMYTVSMYVIYDTVYSIG786mg7gmYVY&NYmByVYUMUBGSvisyusiumYUHM!!~

[Tony has been removed because of spam]

Clint: ...Well! That answers my question, RIP Tony!

[Clint has left]

Steve: Well, that was bizarre...

Natasha: Indeed.

[Steve has left]

[Natasha has left]


	11. Let's Call Him Gizmo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony, scorned, leaves for a conference. In his absence, robo dinoz take over!

Tony, feeling scorned, agrees to go to a conference all the way in Russia with Bruce, Xavier, and Logan.

Normally, Loki would come with, but after what happened with the whole quiz incident, he felt that Tony was best left alone for awhile. And no, he does _not_ feel the slightest bit of guilt for being so hard on him. He deserved it. Right?

Anyway, before Tony leaves with the other guys, he puts the finishing touches on his 'little pet project'.

Yeah, he made a bunch of indestructible robotic dinosaurs.No one knows about it either.

Loki would, but... yeah you know.

Tony sets them up in a hard level in the X-Men's Danger Room. Only, they aren't a part of the program at all. Really, Tony's a bit sad that he wont be able to see the looks on their faces, but he would like to keep his face too. So, that settles that! Getting on the jet now.

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

Magneto doesn't want to be here.

Charles had asked him (along with the rest of the Avengers and that green and black Houdini reject) to stay and look after the children and the school since he and Wolverine were going on a trip with Stark and Banner.

The brats were about to get started on their first run through the Danger Room. Something was wrong though...

He can feel a large amount of extremely rare metal inside. Interesting.

He'll wait and see how the children handle it.

They're supposed to be training on one of the harder levels today, why not let there be a surprise attack away from the norm.

He manipulates the metal wall to make a seat for him. What? There wasn't any chairs around...

 

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

 

"Alright class, today, we have the room set to hard. Show us what you've learned this year!" Storm's voice echos through the Danger Room as she instructs the class what to do.

The Avengers, Loki, Storm, and Gambit where all looking after the class today. This was something like their end of the year test. If they succeed, they go up one grade next year.

Storm starts the simulation and five sentinels fade into existence. They get started.

After about seven minutes of fighting, shit officially hits the fan. Bobby was about to throw a few ice shards at one of the sentinels, when a _giant fucking mechanical T-Rex_ chomps right through it, causing Bobby's ice shards to hit the side if it's face.

It slowly turns it's hauntingly bright carmine eyes toward Bobby, along with the rest of the group, who also stopped as more robotic dinosaurs slink from the other side of the room.

Other than the T-Rex, there was a Velocirapter, a (three headed) Pterodactyl, a Triceratops, and a Spinosaurus.

( _A/N: They look like the ones from Transformers: Age of Extinction. Pictures are available at the end!_ )

Steve speaks up, "Everyone be still! I've seen this before! They'll only see you if you move!"

Natasha shifts a bit nervously. "Um, Steve? That was one, in a movie, and two, that was only for the T-Rex, and a real one at that..." At this point the T-Rex take one thunderous step forward and _**ROARS**_. Yeah, fire comes out too.

"Well, fuck this-!" Clint yelps as he swiftly turns tail and gets the hell out of there. Loki and Natasha nod and follow his example. Everyone else scatters.

 

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

 

Magneto is laughing his ass off.

 

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Tony is having drinks and nice conversation with the other oblivious men that came along on the trip. It was hard, but all Tony had to do was to not think about his creations and he would be all set.

 

 

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

 

 

After everyone had fled, and Magneto had gotten his breath back (only to lose it again in another bout of hysterical laughter), the dinosaurs had followed them, causing destruction and mayhem where ever they went.

It wasn't until the T-Rex was about to burn down a building with people in it did the X-Men and the Avengers start to fight back. Steve threw his shield at the T-Rex to distract it from the building it was wanting to burn down. Even if it only 'tinged' and bounced off of the robot's jaw, it still got it's attention. The robotic tyrant king's massive head swiftly followed the trajectory of the shield back to Steve and roared, giving chase. Steve put his shield back and ran like the devil was on his heels.

Clint tried to hide, but Natasha dragged him out and tossed him screaming off of a building right onto the back of the two headed Pterodactyl. One of the heads whipped around and glared at the intruder on it's back, then proceeded to do a spinning swan dive at lightning speeds towards the ground. Bobby tried to freeze it's wings, but the metal terror bird just shook it off as if it was nothing, sending Clint zooming from it's back and slamming into Bobby.

The triceratops roared as it charged at Thor. Thor held Mjolnir up as he yelled as he ran towards the large horned beast (Kind of reminded him of Bilgesnipe...). Right as he reached the Triceratops, he launched himself into the air and slammed the hammer tight into the great beast's forehead. _And bounced right on off._ The Triceratops huffed, shook its head and trotted away. (And knocking a bunch of shit in the process.)

The smallest of the mechanical extinct crew, but the fastest by far, screeched as it leapt into the air and on top of Gambit, but Storm and the other kids helped get it off of him. The Velociraptor got back up swiftly and tried again, but Storm shocked it with lightning. The smaller dinosaur fell over and stopped moving. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Storm wiped sweat off of her face. "Finally." She opened her mouth to tell the others, but then the robot twitched. Everyone stopped and stared. Oh God no. The Velociraptor surged up to it's feet, vibrating with pent up energy. It looked like the energizer bunny from hell. She didn't blow it's circuits, she did the equivalent of giving it a shot of espresso. It's bright emerald eyes shined even brighter as it shrieked and started all over again.

Loki had summoned his scepter and had tried to blow holes into the Spinosaurus that was currently trying to eat him whole, but they left not even a scratch on its shiny metal hide. Loki had to admit, he was quite terrified. Absolutely _nothing_ could leave a dint on these metal monstrosities, and they didn't even know where the hell they even came from! Right as he thought that, the sun glinted of of something around the dinosaur's neck. It was a red and gold metal collar.

 

 

_**STARK** _

_Hi! My name is Scrap! If I am lost, then just call my daddy's number!_

_xxx-xxx-xxxx_

 

Loki rolled his eyes and scoffed. " _Of course_ , they belong to Tony!" He felt slightly proud too. He wonders what type of metal they're made of and how and where he had gotten it. The Spinosaurus got a bit too close to taking his arm clean off as he dodged to the side. "Right. A giant metal dinosaur that my lover made is trying to eat me. Brilliant." And with that he teleported away to somewhere he could be on his phone without getting eaten. He has a certain genius to smack the shit out of the next time he sees him.

Everyone else soon noticed each of the other's collars too. Gizmo (the T-Rex), Flappy B. (the Pterodactyl), Spike (the Triceratops), and the most bizarre name, Penguin (the Velociraptor).

They all agreed to message Tony and beg him to take the metal tyrants down. There was no other way. Fury had wanted to bring missals into the fray, but Cap had begged him off, saying that if his shield couldn't effect them, then there wasn't any point in destroying the city even more with unnecessary warfare, when they could just message Tony and get this cleared up quickly. He agreed, but they had a time limit of one hour. Steve took cover and opened his phone.

 

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

 

[Steve has entered]

Steve: TONY!!!

[Natasha has entered]

Natasha: Stark!

[Clint has entered]

Clint: Hey Jackass!

[Loki has entered]

Loki: Tony!

[Thor has entered]

Thor: MAN OF IRON!

[Tony has entered]

Tony: Ooooh... so I guess you've found out. So, how did they do?

Steve: O.O WHAT!? You mean you did this on purpose!?

Tony: Well yeah. They were supposed it growl a bit, maybe snap at ya a little, then when you guys got panicked enough, you would call me an ask for my advice.

Steve: ...

Natasha: ...

Loki: ...

Clint: ...

Thor: ...

[Storm has entered]

Clint: Wait, when did you get an account?

Storm: Just now. And Stark, your little 'prank', almost killed us all! How could you put the children in danger like that!?

Tony: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you taking about? What happened? What did you do to them?

Loki: What did _we_ do!? They are _your_ contraptions! Albeit, very impressive ones, but your mess to clean up! (And it was Bobby. He pissed off the  _fire breathing one_.)

Tony: Thanks!

Loki: Shut up, and get your scrawny arse back over here and take care of these metal monstrosities!

Tony: Wait, if you want them taken care of so badly, why didn't you just ask Magneto to make them stop?

Loki: ...

Storm: He just laughed and ate more of the popcorn that Mystique had brought him.

Tony: Lol!

Clint: Quiet you! You're the reason that my pants are soiled now!!

Tony: ROTFL!!

Thor: That information might have been best kept inside of your own head.

Clint: Yes, I know that now.

Natasha: Moron.

Steve: Can we please get back to the point? Tony! Please come back and get rid of these dinosaurs!

Tony: Alright, alright. And I wont get rid of them, they're my babies.

Steve: Tony-!

[Tony has left]

Steve: Fffffff- fiddlesticks.

Clint: Lol, nice save there Cap.

[Clint has left]

Natasha: I hope he doesn't do something even more idiotic.

[Natasha has left]

Loki: Same here.

[Loki has left]

Thor: Time to slay the Bilgesnipe!

[Thor has left]

Storm: I don't think that he quite gets the point...

[Storm has left]

Steve: (Sigh)

[Steve has left]

 

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

 

As Tony stepped off of his private jet, along with the others (Who where quite disappointed in him. Except for Logan. He found all of this shit pretty hilarious like Magneto.), he did a cheeky little wave at the small group that was rushing toward him. "Tony-!" Cap tried to start, but Tony just stepped past him, snatching his shield along the way. "Hey! What-!"

Tony starts walking faster to escape Steve's swipe for his shield. "I need this for a sec. You can handle being apart from your love toy can't you?" He raised an eyebrow as Steve sputtered and blushed like mad.

Tony stepped right into the middle of the carnage, a little surprised at the mess that his little trouble makers had caused. New York square was trashed... He was so proud.

He brought two fingers up to his lips and whistled loudly. Every single electrical fiend whipped their heads around and charged Tony, all of them roaring at the top of their voice boxes. Alarmed, Loki and the Avengers tried to pull him back, but he just shook them off _and stepped closer to their thundering forms._

Then, all of a sudden- they stopped.

Tony grinned and slowly held up Cap's shield. Every pair of shining eyes where fixed on Tony's hand. Tony then threw the shield as far as he could. The dinosaurs immediately gave chase.

Spike (the Triceratops) looked as if he was about to get it first, but then Flappy B. (the Pterodactyl) snatched it out of the air before he could get it. Then, as just Flappy B. was about to fly back, she (or they) got apprehended by Scrap (the Spinosaurus) who yanked it out of her (their) grasp. Looking around suspiciously as he backed up, he didn't notice until it was too late. Penguin (the Velociraptor) had run up Scrap's back and had jumped off of his head whilst taking the shield out of his jaws. Gizmo (the T-Rex) was the one who ended up with it last. How? Well, he merely waited until Penguin was speeding back towards Tony, Gizmo had simpley stepped on him and picked up the shield from his twitching claws. Tony was laughing hysterically when Gizmo smugly dropped the shield in front of him, tail wagging.

The engineer took a calming breath and wiped his eyes. "Who's a good boy! You are! Yes you are!" He cooed as he vigorously rubbed Gizmo's massive belly when he rolled over. The other robotic dinosaurs rushed over and started nuzzling Tony until he started petting them too and whimpering when they got left for someone else.

Everyone else just stood and stared. Awed, but the slightest bit exasperated. Only Tony _fucking_ Stark.

As if through a tunnel, they heard Tony croon to his metal beasts, "Come on my babies, You guys must be so hungry aren't you?" Clint blinked and slowly turned to look at Loki. "How the fuck does that work!? The fuck do they munch on!?"

Loki, just as awed and exasperated as everyone else, sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Let's just hope that we never find out."

 

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

 

 

 

[Loki has entered]

[Steve has entered]

[Natasha has entered]

[Thor has entered]

[Clint has entered]

[Bruce has entered]

[Tony has entered]

Steve: Alright Tony, I think that we all deserve answers.

Loki: Yes, what is your Midgardian term for it? Oh yes, 'Spill the beans, bub'.

Tony: Well alright, fine. My M.E.C. took me a fuck-ton of time to build.

Natasha: M.E.C.?

Tony: Mechanically Extinct Crew. Anyway, it took me a long time, and I _was_ going to tell you guys, but then _somebody_ just couldn't take a joke, so I just kept it to myself and decided to prank you guys with them. Although, it didn't quite go as planned...

Clint: YA THINK?

Bruce: I knew.

Steve: WHAT!?

Natasha: What?

Clint: WHAAAAT!?!?

Thor: What?

Loki: Pardon?

Tony: Well I had to have someone help me! They're huge!

Loki: Then why didn't you ask me- Nevermind.

Tony: Mh hm.

Loki: ...

Tony: Well? Do you have anything to say about that? Anything at all.

Loki: ...

Tony: Oh come on, there must be something.

Loki: Oh alright, FINE. (whisper: I'm sorry...)

Tony: Excuse me, what?

Loki: I apologize alright!?

Tony: Alright! God.

Natasha: You two are a bunch of fucking children, you know that?

Steve: I'm pretty sure that they do, but just don't care.

Thor: There is still one more thing that I wish to know...

Tony: Yeah? What is it Point Break?

Thor: Why did you name them as you did?

Tony: Finally! I've been waiting for someone to ask!

Clint: Just fucking tell us already.

Tony: Fine, geez. Grumper Numps... (Ahem) Gizmo is the first of the M.E.C. and the smartest. Wise, Wizmo, Gizmo. Ta da! Now, for Scrap. Since he was the last one made, his spines were made from some of the other's scraps. So, why not name him Scrap? Flappy B. Is short for Flappy Bird (God I hate that game...). She or (They) is the only one of the M.E.C. that can fly, but also, she (they) loves to troll the others. And what game annoys you the most than Flappy Bird? But that's a mouthful so just Flappy B. for her (them). For Spike, it's pretty obvious. He has three giant fucking spikes on his head. And lastly, but certainly not least, Penguin! I was kind of drunk when I named him. End of story. Well, and for that fact that he has 'feathers' but can't fly. Just like real penguins! No, please, hold the applause! *Bows*

Clint: =.= Great. Congradu-fucking-lations.

[Clint has left]

Tony: The hell is his problem?

Natasha: Your M.E.C. caused him to ruin his pants.

Tony: No shit? Do you catch it on camera?

Natasha: ...Yes.

Tony: Yes!

Natasha: (Rolls eyes)

[Natasha has left]

Steve: The next time you decide to make something potentially dangerous, would you please let us know first?

Tony: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Bruce: You know he wont if he doesn't want to, right?

Steve: Yeeees.

[Steve has left]

Bruce: Heh.

[Bruce has left]

Natasha: Popcorn and footage later?

Tony: Oh yeah.

Natasha: (Nods)

[Natasha has left]

Thor: So... we wont slay them?

Tony: NO!

Thor: (Shrugs)

[Thor has left]

Loki: Wait, I have a question too.

Tony: What?

Loki: What material are they made of? Even Thor's hammer couldn't pierce their hide.

Tony: Really? Sweet! (I really need to watch that footage...) Anyway, they're made up of Uru, Adamentium, and Vibranium.

Loki: o.o Tony, love, how the _hell_ did you get a hold of that much rare metal!? They're huge!

Tony: Dr. Strange owed me a few favors. And your mom helped.

Loki: My mother!?

Tony: Who knew that she absolutely adores dinosaurs? Yeah, I think she even alluded to having a few...

Loki: Only you Tony...

[Loki has left]

Tony: Only I'm THIS AWESOME-SAUCE!

[Tony has left]

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a picture of them all! 
> 
> http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/102/7/8/transformers_4_age_of_extinction_dinobots_by_tfprime1114-d7e6fnb.jpg
> 
> (Their names are in this order: Flappy B., Spike, Penguin, Gizmo, and Scrap.)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first fanfic! Alot of this will be in MSM format. And I will try to post when I can. Please Comment, and Kudos! Love you all!


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